One honest conversation
By Roop Lakhani - 10:22:00
What is your thoughts on this? One honest conversation can be the beginning of everything.
When Parents and Children Live in Different Worlds
A reflection on today's young generation, parenting, communication and the silent struggles nobody sees
Recently, I came across a heartbreaking incident.
A young girl, only 20, died after falling from a high-rise building. Whether it was an accident or an act of suicide is not for me to assume. What stayed with me was something much deeper.
Her mother and daughter were reportedly very close.
And yet, today that mother is shattered.
Shock.
Trauma.
Questions.
Guilt.
The unbearable “What if?”
What did I miss?
Why didn't she tell me?
Could I have done something?
Was there a sign?
Could I have stopped it?
These questions can haunt a parent long after everyone else has gone home.
And perhaps that is what made me think about something larger.
What is happening between today's children and their parents?
Not just teenagers.
Young adults too.
Because somewhere along the way, we have become technologically connected and emotionally disconnected.
We know what our children are watching.
We know where they are going.
We know their marks.
Their friends.
Their social media.
Their achievements.
But do we really know what is happening inside them?
Our children are smart. But are they emotionally prepared for life?
Today's generation is incredibly intelligent.
They have access to information we could never have imagined.
They learn quickly.
They question everything.
They are independent.
They know how to use technology, build careers, travel, communicate globally and create opportunities.
But life is not an information problem.
Life is an emotional resilience problem too.
Knowing something and being able to emotionally handle it are two different things.
Knowing how to get information is different from knowing how to sit with rejection.
Knowing how to earn is different from knowing how to handle failure.
Knowing how to express an opinion is different from knowing how to tolerate disagreement.
Knowing your rights is important.
But knowing your responsibilities is equally important.
Knowing how to say “I deserve better” is important.
But so is knowing how to say “I made a mistake.”
Knowing how to leave a situation is important.
But sometimes life also requires us to learn how to repair, wait, negotiate, forgive and try again.
And parents have changed too
It would be unfair to blame only the younger generation.
Today's parents are also living in a completely different world.
Many parents have worked extremely hard to give their children opportunities they themselves never had.
They sacrificed.
They protected.
They provided.
They gave better education.
Better homes.
Better exposure.
They wanted their children to have a life without the struggles they experienced.
And somewhere in that love, perhaps many parents became afraid of allowing their children to struggle.
We solved too many problems for them.
We protected them from disappointment.
We negotiated with schools.
We arranged things.
We gave them choices.
We tried to make life comfortable.
But life itself is not always comfortable.
And resilience is not developed by removing every difficulty.
It develops when a young person experiences difficulty with someone beside them who teaches them how to navigate it.
The missing conversation
Perhaps what we need today is not more lectures.
Not:
“You don't know what life is.”
Not:
“In our time, we suffered much more.”
Not:
“You have everything. What problem could you possibly have?”
Because those sentences may close a door.
Instead:
“Tell me what is hurting.”
“I may not understand, but I want to listen.”
“You don't have to impress me.”
“You can tell me something I won't like.”
“You can make a mistake and still come home.”
That last sentence may be one of the most important things a child needs to know.
A home must be more than a place to stay
A home needs to become an emotional safe space.
A child should know:
I can fail here.
I can cry here.
I can be confused here.
I can admit that I don't know what I'm doing.
I can talk about relationships.
I can talk about rejection.
I can talk about sexuality and identity.
I can talk about loneliness.
I can talk about being bullied.
I can talk about money.
I can talk about failure.
I can even say, “I don't want to live like this anymore,” without being immediately judged, shamed or dismissed.
UNICEF emphasizes that adolescents need to feel heard rather than simply corrected, and recommends creating regular opportunities for conversations about everyday life, feelings, friendships and worries.
But children also have a responsibility
This conversation cannot be one-sided.
Parents need to learn to listen.
But children also need to learn to share.
Your parents may not understand your world immediately.
They may have different values.
They may react imperfectly.
They may say the wrong thing.
But don't assume that their imperfect response means they don't love you.
Teach them your world.
Talk.
Explain.
Give them a chance to understand.
And if you cannot talk to your parents, please find another safe adult—a counsellor, teacher, relative, mentor, doctor or trusted friend.
Silence is not strength.
Asking for help is not weakness.
UNICEF specifically encourages young people to build communication channels with trusted adults and seek help when they are confused or struggling.
We need to teach life—not just success
Perhaps our parenting needs another curriculum.
We teach children mathematics.
Science.
Languages.
Technology.
Career skills.
But do we teach them:
How to handle rejection?
How to lose?
How to apologise?
How to manage anger?
How to sit with loneliness?
How to distinguish a temporary crisis from a permanent decision?
How to ask for help?
How to manage money?
How to handle heartbreak?
How to live after failure?
How to disagree without destroying a relationship?
How to recognise when a friend is struggling?
How to say, “I am not okay.”
These are not secondary life skills.
They are fundamental.
WHO identifies adolescence as a formative period for developing emotional, social and coping skills, and notes that supportive family, school and community environments are important protective factors.
And parents need education too
Perhaps we need Parenting 2.0.
Not parenting through fear.
Not parenting through control.
Not parenting through comparison.
Not parenting through:
“Look at Sharma's daughter.”
Not parenting through:
“We gave you everything.”
Not parenting through guilt.
But parenting through connection, boundaries, values and emotional availability.
Love your child.
But don't become afraid of your child.
Give freedom.
But also give responsibility.
Respect privacy.
But remain emotionally available.
Allow mistakes.
But teach consequences.
Listen without immediately fixing.
And when something feels beyond your understanding, don't hesitate to seek professional help.
And perhaps today's children need something from us that is very simple
They need to know:
You don't have to have your life figured out at 20.
You don't have to be successful immediately.
You don't have to look perfect.
You don't have to be happy every day.
You don't have to compare your life with someone's carefully edited life online.
You don't have to prove your worth through achievements.
And one difficult relationship, one examination, one breakup, one failure, one rejection or one terrible day does not define the rest of your life.
There is always another conversation.
Another morning.
Another possibility.
Another way of asking for help.
And to the parents...
Please don't carry the unbearable belief that you can control every outcome in your child's life.
A loving mother can be deeply connected to her daughter and still not know everything happening inside her.
A loving father can be present and still miss a hidden struggle.
Parents are human beings.
They cannot read minds.
They cannot prevent every tragedy.
So let us build relationships where children are encouraged to speak before the crisis becomes unbearable, rather than expecting parents to somehow know everything without being told.
Maybe the real generation gap isn't age
Maybe it is language.
Parents speak the language of experience.
Children speak the language of freedom.
Parents say:
“We know what life is.”
Children say:
“You don't understand my life.”
Both may be right.
The challenge is to create a bridge between the two.
Not for parents to become young.
Not for children to become old.
But for both to become curious about each other's world.
Because beneath the generation gap, there is something remarkably similar.
Parents are saying:
“I want you to be safe.”
Children are saying:
“I want you to understand me.”
Perhaps both are asking for the same thing in different languages:
“Please don't leave me alone with what I am carrying.”
And maybe that is where the conversation needs to begin.
Not with judgement.
Not with blame.
Not with “whose fault is it?”
But with one simple question:
“What's really going on inside you?”
And then, perhaps the most important part—
Stay quiet long enough to hear the answer.
Please note, this reflection is not intended to explain or attribute the death of any individual. Suicide and self-harm have complex, multifactorial causes, and no parent should automatically assume that a tragedy proves they failed their child. If a young person expresses suicidal thoughts, self-harm, hopelessness, or an intention to die, it should be taken seriously and professional help should be sought promptly.
Because sometimes one honest conversation doesn't solve everything.
But one honest conversation can be the beginning of everything.
With love and awareness
Roop Lakhani
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