I am sure we all have experienced a sudden emotional reaction. We often have those filtered listening or tinted lens, the so called 'already always way of listening and percieving' that triggers the buttons on and the emotional explosive is burst. And when this happens, we cannot handle our emotions. Sometimes they are called as emotional triggers. They normally happen with people with whom we are in regular touch day in and day out. And sometimes we keep quiet and suppress our emotions as we do not wish to hurt the loved ones. Sometimes we do not have capacity to express our emotions to the loved ones as they are least empathetic, over powering or least compassionate.
Some times we do not express as they are not people of the category of loved ones, but they are people from professional world or outsiders, then we do not wish to express our emotions authenticity as it comes with a pay off cost or a feeling of what's the use.
The bottom line is either we are too sensitive or too egoistic and so we keep having emotional triggers. The sensitivity weakens us and the ego over powers us. That leaves us with a vicious loop of emotional triggers and egoistic person, and the way to escape the loop is higher awareness and acceptance.
But why can't we accept people the way they are?
✍️It is diificult to accept people the way they are. Each one of us is unique. We have our own likes and dislikes, personalities, and habits. We sometimes refer to this as our suubpersonality or identity. And this identity is formed over the years interacting with people, based on our beliefs, values and culture. Our emotions are sometimes expressed, sometimes, repressed and sometimes suppressed. And emotions when not expressed turns emotional triggers. And we all are limited beings, with limited understanding. In the fast paced competitive world, neither we have time nor interest, patience or empathy to deal with it.
✍️So when does emotional trigger happens?
These triggers can vary from the simplest things in our daily life to more personal ones, but they can be classified into common factors such as the following:
✍️This happens when our thinking starts to become clouded, and feelings of fear, anger, or sadness overwhelm us. We often carry the loads of emotional baggage and we often burden ourselves.
✍️This also happens when we face stress, adverse times or undesirable memory, past unpleasant experience or 'not ok' or unacceptable feelings of the person in environment. This often happens in a couple where one partner is rigid and non flexible.
✍️This also happens when two people from two different values and culture have different opinions and conflicting beliefs, and is not ready to amicably sort the differences or align.
✍️This also happens when we feel that our identity is being attacked or person who is irresponsible, ill mannered or irrational. While some of us can be aware when this happens, most of us instinctively have emotions trigger buttons automatically going up without realizing so.
✍️This also happens with people who have OCD, or perfectionist attitude. They cannot tolerate other peoples some actions or behaviours and that's why the trigger happens.
✍️ This also happens with people who have fears or phobias. This also happens when people dislike pets. While pet peeves don’t always trigger strong emotions, these dislikes may weaken our emotional barriers and make us more emotionally vulnerable.
✍️This can also happen when undesirable memories of people, places, and events in the current times reminds us of a past traumatic experience can be an emotional trigger. These memories evoke strong emotions that might cause us to behave differently.
✍️This can also happen when we are stressed or in lack of comfortable position, where we cannot speak the truth and there is no way to escape or no way to runaway. Some situations cause our emotions to stir without us knowing why. The loss of comfort and the built-up stress in these situations weaken us and cause our emotions to trigger.
#Once these emotional triggers press our sensitive emotional buttons, it is uncontrollable. Don't you think this all comes from our past memory? Yes, it does come from past memory and unpleasant events.
How do we handle it?
✍️The two answers to the above questions is, awareness and acceptance.
✍️For many of us, the emotional triggers keeps happening repeatedly because we are not aware. It can be one sentence, it can be one gesture, or it can be just a beginning of a tone. Our behaviours and actions become irrational at times without our awareness. These can strain or spoil our relationships with people around us.
✍️Once the awareness develops, once the willingness to handle the sensitivities to emotional triggers happens, the triggers intensity changes too. And the harmony in relations can develop with controlled communication and aware acceptance.
✍️ how do we really learn to deal emotional triggers or reactions?
If you wish to grow, expand and evolve, remember the principle of unlearn, learn and relearn.
What we have learnt, needs to be unlearnt and relearnt with a deeper reflection and introspection.
And remember, people who triggers our emotions are the messengers who helps us in healing our emotional wounds and unhealed parts. So there is a blessing of healing your unhealed parts when you get triggered, perhaps you are aware.
✍️Handling emotional triggers is like handling our habits. Our means of expressing emotions are shaped over the time. They are unlearnt, learnt and relearnt and slowly becomes a part of our identity unless we intervene and decide to change them.
✍️While some of the time, it’s not always possible to avoid emotional outbursts, yet there are always better ways of expressing our emotions without explosion or feeling guilty after the explosion.
✍️Today, observe and check, where are you getting emotionally triggered?
Get the awareness and go to the root cause of the trigger, embrace that part, and accept.
If you are not successful and if you wish to seek some expert before spoiling your further personality at the fastest awareness and quickest way, you may seek my help and get yourself out from the mental and emotional chains that stops you from being a resilient and peaceful person.
✍️After all the world is full of energy and we need to check out energy first. The only things is in our control is to check what's going on in our inner world and how can we change that.
Leaving you with the paradoxial thought,
'We can change the world when we change ourselves first. We cannot change the world as we do not have any control with their thoughts.'
Your awareness coach
*Roop Lakhani*
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