The Hidden Wounds Parents Pass to Children
The child’s first unseen enemy is often an unhealed parent — a parent still carrying unresolved conflicts, wounds, and unspoken pain. Children do not come into this world misbehaving. They arrive as open hearts, ready to love, learn, and trust. But they copy what they see. They mimic the tones, the tempers, the silences, and the ways their parents handle life.
A child absorbs the home’s unspoken emotions like a sponge — taking in fear, shame, and insecurity as though these emotions were their own reflection. A parent’s unhealed anger can become the child’s inner critic. Unresolved grief in a parent can become the child’s hidden sadness. Anxiety in a parent can become the child’s restless mind.
When a parent is unhealed, they may unconsciously harm their child by:
- Criticizing instead of guiding
- Shaming instead of understanding
- Controlling instead of empowering
- Ignoring instead of listening
- Expecting perfection instead of embracing mistakes
And the child grows up:
- Doubting their worth
- Silencing their feelings
- Overachieving to earn love
- People-pleasing to avoid conflict
- Carrying wounds they never asked for
Parents cannot expect their children to be whole and complete when they themselves are living with open wounds. An adult’s unresolved pain often spills over, unintentionally landing on the child — in sharp words, in unrealistic expectations, in fear-based rules, and in the inability to meet the child where they are.
Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need a parent who sees them. Who listens without judgment. Who explains, guides, and holds space for their feelings. Who loves them not for what they do, but simply for who they are. Who chooses to break cycles rather than repeat them.
When a parent chooses healing, they gift their child not only love — but the freedom to grow without carrying the weight of someone else’s battles
To your best parenting
Roop Lakhani
www.rooplakhani.com
