Rewriting the story
By Roop Lakhani - 22:07:00
Rewriting the Story of Love
Many of us move through life believing that love will finally feel safe once the right person arrives. We hope that one relationship will soothe our fears, silence our doubts, and heal the ache we’ve carried for years. Yet, despite our best intentions, the same emotional patterns often repeat.
This is not because something is wrong with you.
It is because your nervous system learned to survive long before it learned to feel secure.
As children, we adapt. We become quiet, agreeable, strong, invisible, or overly responsible—not because we wanted to, but because it kept us safe. These adaptations were intelligent responses to the environment we grew up in. They helped us belong. They helped us cope. They helped us survive.
But what once protected us can later limit us.
Why Old Patterns Appear in Adult Relationships
In adult relationships, unresolved childhood experiences often resurface. You may find yourself people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, over-giving, or fearing abandonment. You may seek reassurance, approval, or emotional safety from your partner, hoping they will finally give you what you missed.
This doesn’t mean you are needy or weak.
It means a younger part of you is still seeking safety.
Your partner, however loving, cannot heal wounds they did not create. They can support your growth, but they cannot replace the inner work that belongs to you. Expecting them to do so often leads to resentment, disappointment, or emotional exhaustion—for both of you.
The Turning Point: Becoming the Safe Adult Within
True healing begins when the adult version of you steps forward.
This is the moment you stop abandoning yourself to keep the peace.
The moment you stop shrinking your needs to be loved.
The moment you begin listening to what your emotions are trying to tell you.
When you learn to offer yourself reassurance, compassion, and presence, something powerful shifts. You no longer chase love—you allow it. You no longer fear conflict—you communicate with clarity. You no longer seek validation—you cultivate self-trust.
This does not make you cold or distant.
It makes you grounded, authentic, and emotionally available.
Love Without Self-Abandonment
Healthy love does not require you to disappear.
It does not ask you to silence your truth or betray your needs.
Love deepens when two whole individuals meet—not when one keeps rescuing the other. When you take responsibility for your inner healing, relationships naturally move from drama to depth, from survival to connection.
You are not broken.
You were adapting.
And now, you are allowed to choose differently.
A Gentle Reflection for You
Ask yourself:
Where am I still seeking from others what I can begin giving myself?
What would it feel like to stay present instead of shutting down?
How can I show up for my inner world with the same care I offer others?
Healing is not about fixing yourself.
It is about remembering who you were before you learned to protect yourself by disappearing.
And that remembering is the beginning of freedom.
— Roop Lakhani
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