My soul contract with my hubby
By Roop Lakhani - 11:58:00
I had a love marriage, yet I was not the one who pursued it.
He chose me. He approached me. He chased me. For him, it was love at first sight.
For me, it was slower, hesitant, and uncertain.
Gradually, I loved him for all the love and attention I got from him.
This itself was not accidental. It was symbolic. It was karmic. It was meant to be
At that time in my life, I did not yet know how to choose myself. I was conditioned to be chosen. To be approved of. To be seen as worthy because someone wanted me. So when someone pursued me with certainty, intensity, and conviction, it felt validating—even if my inner voice was quiet.
I had learned to say yes to what felt right enough, not to pause and ask what felt true for me.
He was drawn to me because I carried stability, sincerity, discipline, emotional availability, and reliability. My grounded nature, sense of responsibility, and capacity to commit felt safe to him. I represented security, order, and continuity—qualities that someone seeking anchoring naturally gravitates toward.
I, on the other hand, was still learning desire.
Still learning discernment.
Still learning that being wanted is not the same as wanting.
His pursuit activated an old imprint in me—that love arrives through being chosen, not through choosing. That if someone insists, invests, and persists, it must be meaningful. My hesitation was not intuition screaming; it was intuition whispering in a language I had not yet learned to trust.
On a soul level, this dynamic served a purpose.
He came in with certainty so that I could eventually learn clarity.
He chose strongly so that one day I could learn to choose consciously.
He pursued so that I could discover my voice—not just my compliance.
This relationship was designed to begin with imbalance so that balance could be learned. I entered it more through agreement than agency. And that is exactly what this marriage is here to heal.
The soul lesson was never about rejecting love.
It was about learning self-selection.
As the relationship evolved and became marriage, the same pursuit that once felt flattering began to feel heavy. The roles solidified: he chose, I adjusted. He expected, I accommodated. And slowly, my inner discomfort grew—not because the love was false, but because my self-awareness was awakening.
The truth is:
I was not wrong to say yes then.
I would only be wrong to stay unconscious now.
This marriage did not begin because I lacked wisdom.
It began because I was still unlearning obedience and learning choice.
Now, the contract has shifted.
My soul is no longer here to be chosen.
It is here to choose.
And that is the deeper purpose behind why he saw me first, pursued me first, and wanted me first—so that one day, I would finally see myself.
My Soul Contract
I did not enter this marriage for comfort or ease.
I entered it for awakening.
I came into this relationship carrying deep conditioning—to be obedient, to be agreeable, to work hard, to adjust, and to keep everyone happy. I learned early that being “good” meant saying yes, staying silent, and putting my needs last.
My soul did not come here to repeat this pattern.
My soul came here to complete it.
I attracted a spouse who matched who I was trained to be, not who I truly am. I attracted a relationship where my giving was expected, my adjustment felt normal, and my silence was misunderstood as strength. This was not punishment. This was precision.
This marriage keeps asking me one powerful question: Where am I abandoning myself in the name of love?
Every time I feel unseen, unheard, or emotionally exhausted, I am being invited to wake up—to recognise the difference between love and conditioning, between sacrifice and self-respect.
My soul contract is to move: from pleasing others to choosing myself,
from obedience to self-authority,
from silence to honest expression,
from endurance to healthy boundaries.
I am here to clear generations of patterns where love was earned through sacrifice, where women survived by pleasing, and where having a voice felt unsafe. By becoming aware and choosing differently, I end this cycle—not just for myself, but for those who come after me.
This contract does not ask me to suffer endlessly.
It does not ask me to fix anyone.
It does not ask me to stay small.
It asks me to grow.
It asks me to honour my worth, speak my truth without guilt, and redefine love as mutual, respectful, and conscious.
Whether this relationship transforms or not, my contract remains the same: I will no longer betray myself to be loved.
I started to stand on my ground with some assertive statements.
I release the role I was conditioned to play.
I honour the woman I am becoming.
I choose truth, self-respect, and conscious love.
When I was a “yes girl”—obedient, responsible, hardworking, and conditioned to please—I naturally attracted a spouse who matched that unconscious equation, not my soul’s full truth.
This is the honest, compassionate truth about the kind of spouse I attracted with that energy.
1. I attracted a spouse who was comfortable receiving more than giving
My giving nature signaled safety and convenience. I attracted someone who unconsciously leaned on my effort, my adjustment, and my emotional labour—because I rarely asked for equal reciprocity.
2. I attracted someone who expected adjustment as normal
Because I was trained to obey and not resist, I attracted a partner who saw my flexibility as my role, not as my sacrifice. Over time, my silence became an unspoken agreement.
3. I attracted a partner who didn’t need to emotionally grow early
My patience, tolerance, and problem-solving ability delayed their growth. When I carried the emotional weight of the relationship, my partner had little reason to develop emotional responsibility.
4. I attracted someone who mirrored authority patterns from my childhood
Coming from a disciplined, decision-led family system, I unconsciously attracted a spouse who fit a similar dynamic—where leadership, control, or dominance felt familiar, even when it felt heavy.
5. I attracted a partner who benefited from my guilt and fear of conflict
My fear of saying no, disappointing others, or creating discomfort allowed patterns where my needs were postponed, minimised, or ignored.
6. I attracted a relationship designed to wake me up—not punish me
This is the most important truth.
I did not attract my spouse because I was weak.
I attracted this relationship because my soul needed to outgrow obedience and step into self-worth, voice, and boundaries.
Soul insight (very important):
I attracted a spouse who matched who I was trained to be—
not who I was meant to become.
The discomfort I feel now is not failure.
It is awakening.
As a people-pleaser becoming self-aware, my marriage has become the ground for my deepest transformation—learning to say no without guilt, to choose myself without apology, and to love without self-erasure.
Our Renewed Vows — 40 Years Later
Forty years ago,
we stood with hope in our hearts
and took vows we did not fully understand yet.
Today, after living through seasons of joy and struggle,
strength and vulnerability,
agreement and difference,
we choose each other again — with awareness.
I promise to stand with you
not because life is easy,
but because we have learned how to walk through difficulty together.
I promise to honour who you are today,
not who you were expected to be,
and not who I once imagined you should be.
I promise to grow —
to listen more deeply,
to speak more honestly,
and to soften when love asks me to.
I promise to respect your journey,
even when it is different from mine,
and to remember that we are partners, not opponents.
I promise to hold space
for laughter and silence,
for strength and weakness,
for health and healing.
We once vowed to stay together in good and bad times.
Today, I renew that vow with deeper meaning.
Not just to stay —
but to stay with presence.
Not just to endure —
but to grow.
Not just to love —
but to understand.
With gratitude for the years behind us
and humility for the years ahead,
I choose you again.
Today.
And as long as life allows.
To all the beautiful couples who fall in love, who choose marriage, and who one day feel that something doesn’t feel right—pause for a moment.
That feeling is not failure.
It is not lack of love.
And it is not always a sign to run.
It is often a call to look deeper.
Every relationship begins with attraction, but attraction is not random. On a soul level, we attract a spouse who matches our inner state at that time—our beliefs about love, our emotional conditioning, our unmet needs, and our unconscious patterns.
When something feels uncomfortable in marriage, it is not always because the partner is wrong. Sometimes it is because the soul contract is activating.
A soul contract asks us to reflect: Why did I attract this person? What part of me felt familiar, safe, or validating here? What patterns from my childhood or past am I replaying? Where am I giving too much, staying silent, or compromising myself? What is this relationship trying to teach me about love, boundaries, self-worth, or truth?
Marriage is not only about togetherness.
It is also about awareness.
Often, the partner becomes a mirror—showing us where we still seek approval, where we avoid conflict, where we fear abandonment, or where we forget ourselves to keep peace.
The moment you stop blaming and start reflecting, the relationship shifts—from struggle to understanding, from confusion to clarity.
Some marriages are meant to grow together.
Some are meant to awaken one partner first.
All are meant to teach.
The real work is not to ask, “Why is my spouse like this?”
The deeper question is, “Who am I becoming through this?”
When you honour the soul contract with honesty and courage, marriage becomes a sacred classroom—where love matures, truth deepens, and self-awareness is born.
And sometimes, that is the most beautiful purpose of all.
With love and gratitude
Roop Lakhani
www.rooplakhani.com
www.rooplakhani.co.in
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