Questions such as,

1. Will he marry me

2. Does he love me

3. Is he cheating on me

4. Why does he not commit for marriage

5. I love him, but his parents are not okay for us to get married

6. When will I get married

7. What does he think for me

8. What does he feel for me

I often wonder why people ask such questions, but I guess unawareness is the main cause and ego, righteousness, pride can be second, thirdly, it can be non acceptance and more expectations. Fourth can be your deeper desires and attachments.

We all are very intellectual wise people and having our conscience talking to us, we can surely understand what the problematic cause in our relation after reading this. The least is we can do is to make some changes in ourselves, rather than complaining and cribbing about how the other one in the relation. Difficult??!! Not at all. Let me make it easy.

What can be the cause to common problems for the couple in love relations? Or even for couple who are married and having disharmony, frictions, and arguments in their life?

The common problems a couple in relation can be due to

1.  Communication gap

2. Trust issues

3. Disrespect issues

4. Inability to balance between give and receive love

5. Unable to prioritise

6. Unable to balance between work and love life

7. Compatibility issues, lifestyle issues

8. Different love language

9. Unable to give quality time

10. Become negative to pinpoint others weakness

11. Having unrealistic expectations

12. Becoming possessive on other one

13. Selfishness

14. Neglect

15. Not giving space to each other

16. Having sex related problems

Most of the married couples have following problems in their relationship:

1. Division of labour

2. Financial mismanagement

3. Irresponsible towards each other or children’s task

4. Personality difference

5. Different love language

6. Communication style difference

7. Sexual differences

8. Conflict beliefs

9. Jealousy and infidelity

10. Boredom – no great excitement, cuddling, touch, hugs, kiss and more

11. Dishonesty

12. Communication gap

13. Power inequity

14. Abuse – physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, verbal abuse, cultural abuse

15. Mismatching Values and beliefs – Different values, different viewpoints and different beliefs create different mindset individual

16. Trying to change each other

17. Keeping score with each other

18. Unrealistic expectations

19. Neglect, avoid, ignore, not pay attention

20. Disrespect

21. Poor listening ability

22. Do not spend quality time with each other

23. Criticise, condemn, cynicism, nagging, taunting

24. Trust issues

25. Bottled up emotions

26. Stress in many aspects

27. Unresolved past conflicts

28. Taken for granted

29. Operate from ‘already always’ biased grudges and preconceived notions

30. Being ungrateful or unacknowledged or unappreciative

31. Having doubts and control on other one

32. Having sex related issues

33. Having conflict to raise children

34.Giving unfair treatment to other with time, money, words and attention

35. Having issues with relatives, in-laws and joint family system

36. Extra marital affairs, infidelity and secret hidden selfish agendas

37. Mis-alignment to joint co-existence functioning for major aspects such as life style, health, food, money, expenditure, education, savings and more

38. Harsh communication, being rude or over powering or over controlling

Best ways to bring everlasting love in relation with self or relation with others is, is to peep into your own heart, with self-awareness, self-reflection and introspection.

Open The Lock In Your Heart

The key to bringing more love into the world and especially in our relationships starts first with self-knowing, self-discovery, self-awareness, self-acceptance. This brings more calmness and opens us up to greater love in relation.

Once you have authentic relation with yourself, you can have healthy balance relationship with others, the relationships that are heart-centered and full of love.

Here are my simple tips to help you bring more love into the world:

1. Next time you are in a potential conflict or disagreement with someone, ask yourself: does this really matter? Will I even be talking about this in the months and years to come!? Is it really T H I N K. Is it Thoughtful, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Nurturing, is it Kind?

2. Take some time out—get away from the situation, introspect and let your emotions calm down. Otherwise, you might end up doing something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.

3. Put yourself in the other person’s place and ask how you would want to be treated if you were them. Then treat them exactly the same way, if not even better.

4. See each person in your life as a young baby. They all were at one time. Show them the same love and awe you would show toward an infant.

5. Look for the highest good in the other person. Everyone is doing the best they can, so help them be the best they can be! Indeed, in any dealings with other people, always look for the highest good of all involved.

6. Learn from any previous experiences where a relationship has deteriorated. Learn positive lessons, discard the negative. Ask yourself: What lessons can I use to do things differently next time? What else is possible by me?

7. Look for guidance from your mentors and people you look up to help you resolve any relationship issues. What would your role models say? What mindset, attitude reuires a change in you?

8. The most important thing of all is to have a life mission to bring more love into the world. Ask yourself these two key questions anytime you are in a conflict: How can I bring more love into the world? What are my intentions? Is my communication honest, loving and effective?

9. Have least expectation and full acceptance how the person is. Try to be more independent so that your dependency does not cause expectation. Expectation gives pain in the relationship, acceptance gives peace and strength to make stronger

10. Have least judgement, with least conditions of ‘should’ and ‘must’. We often throw our weight and conditions that makes the other one discomfortable. Relations are not deals or contracts that come with term and conditions attached. Check, are you to compulsive to ask any thing forcibly?

11. Find a solution to the problems and not focus on problems and weakness. Respecting the other one and empathising with the other one can allow one to speak up and communicate to ease out the problems.

12. When angry or upset, think twice before you speak.Think again and rethink again and then speak. Words when used loosely can create hurts and distance.

13. Drop the past baggage. Carrying baggage from the past and anticipating for best to happen in the present, can never happen. Carrying past baggage can create bitterness and not love.

14. Let go. Let go unpleasant memories, toxic emotions, traumas, abuses, toxicity negativity, bitterness, resentment, regrets, guilt and more. Heal your unpleasant past and then step into the present to create a better future.

15. Be compassionate to your own self and also to to others too.  Compassion is another name of love. Kindness and compassion together can make relation loving and flourishing.

16. Have forgiving attitude. Don’t create issues for petty things.  No one is perfect. People can make mistakes. People have flaws.people have weaknesses.

17. Being grateful. You can co-exist and function without much of problems because of many other people’s support. Be kind enough to appreciate, acknowledge and be thankful.

18. Learn the art of effective and loving communication.  Effective Communication can be learnt. Most of the problems arises because of what you say and how you say it. Listening and talking both should be well balanced.

19. No one is perfect. Do not taunt or nag on others inefficiency, vulnerability, flaws or weaknesses. Treat others the way you wish to be treated

20. Before complaining, ask yourself, reflect and check, ‘are you unconsciously the one responsible for the same complain rather than the other one?’

21. Empathise, and be an emotional and moral support when other one have the problems with you. Don’t give deaf ear or neglect it. It is very simple thing to do. Try balancing between the two conflicting viewpoints with an understanding.

22. Self-care, self-love. Learn to care for your own self before caring for others. Lean to love yourself before you love others. Most of the problem arises as we please others before pleasing ourselves, when we care for others more than caring for our own selves. It is not selfish. It is self-respecting. You are important.

23. Allow others to express, listen to their needs. Just a simple empathised listening, without judging, or reacting or getting triggered solves half of the problems.

24. Overcome any triggers that leads you to lose your balance. Heal your past emotional wounds, feel whole and complete.

25. Trust issues, control issues, jealousy, possessiveness, unloved and unworthy feelings are the main cause to loving relation with yourself and others. Heal your inner childhood wounds and dark shadows.

26. Remain committed to every word of yours. Be polite to talk to yourself and others too.

27. Set enough time to yourself and also for others. Reduce unnecessary activities that takes away your precious time to spend with yourself and others.

Hope this information can really throw a light into the dark areas of your loving relations, first with your own self and then with others too. Your inner conscience is the truth that can bring light and feelings of light that can uplift you, your vibrations and that is how you become a part of this loving world, contributing a small part of Being Love.


Lots of love,

Roop Lakhani

Healer, Coach,Tarotologist, Karmic Reader.

Pic credit pixabay